


Unsaid truths

by fairyshivers



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Episode: s03e15 Perverse Instantiation Part 1, Guns, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Spoilers, POV Bellamy Blake, POV John Murphy (The 100), Past Abuse, you could also not i guess, you could read it as romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23155087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyshivers/pseuds/fairyshivers
Summary: "But in this moment he would want to be nowhere else but here with Bellamy. He doesn't care about the consequences. As long as he can fight at Bellamy's side until the end. And this is the truth."// set in season 3 episode 15 where Bellamy and Murphy reunite in the tunnels & the elevator scene
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/John Murphy
Kudos: 18





	Unsaid truths

**Author's Note:**

> i rarely write stuff in english so i hope this sounds okay overall :>  
> it's a translation of a german oneshot i wrote a while ago, so if you want to read that hmu :)

**Long live the reckless and the brave,**  
**I don't think I want to be saved.**

"Murphy."

His voice travels lost through the icy air inside the tunnel when he speaks the boy's name, while his brain frantically tries to find out what the hell is going on.

It only takes a few seconds until Bellamy abandons his search for a rational explanation of the situation. There's no time for that. Instead he decides to trust his gut. "Get down", he yells and lets his body drop down to the ground – hoping Octavia, Monty and Miller will do the same – just in time before two figures appear in the dark and shots are fired. The men beside him are going down like plastic soldiers, while he's lying still with his hands over his head.

For a moment he holds his breath and tries not to move while the bullets are flying above him. When he slowly gets back up on his feet again, after making sure no one of his friends is hurt, he can see Indra and Pike standing in the tunnel behind Murphy. "There's not much time", is the only thing Indra says and then she continues her way through the tunnel with Pike close behind. Octavia closes up to Indra, probably to inform her about the situation. Monty looks at Bellamy for a second before joining the others.

And then Murphy is standing in front of him. Bellamy's head is full of unasked questions, one louder than the other. "What are you doing here?", he finally asks breathlessly. I thought you were dead is what he actually wanted to say. The last time they saw each other was before Murphy went to the City of Light with Jaha and that was a long time ago. After Jaha returned alone, Bellamy didn't think Murphy was still alive.

(That is not actually true. Maybe that was what he had told himself. It was logical. But he could never really believe that Murphy was dead, not until he would see him die. (This is not a possibility he wants to think of.) Because it is Murphy. Because he always manages to stay alive somehow.)

But how did he survive? And why is he here? How did he get here and when did he come back? Does he know about A.L.I.E.? How can it be that their paths are crossing again just this moment? Just know when Bellamy desperately need someone at his side. Because Clarke is trapped up there in the tower. Because Octavia doesn't trust him anymore. No one trusts him anymore.  
Would Murphy still trust him if he knew what Bellamy has done? It is not that hard to imagine. Murphy isn't one to judge a person by their actions.

All that is going through his head while the younger boy is looking at him with a slightly mocking look in his eyes where he always hides his true thoughts behind. This look that feels so familiar to Bellamy. For a second he gets lost in Murphy's dark blue eyes. He notices that he is staring for way too long but he can't find the words to speak.  
Murphy is the first of them to break the silence. "No worries, Bellamy", he says to the older boy and a grin appears on his face but is gone in an instant. So quick that Bellamy might have missed it if he didn't watch his face so closely. Then Murphy turns around and follows the rest of their group through the tunnel.

Bellamy stays behind until his heartbeat is at ease again and his rumbling thoughts have cleared up a bit. They need to help Clarke. "We can't leave", he raises his voice calling for the others. He tries to stay calm. He can't lose control again. (Because if he does, he could do things he would regret later.)  
"Clarke's in trouble", he tries to explain. Murphy turns back around again. "Clarke's always in trouble." He sounds sarcastic and like Clarke is not his problem. But it is Bellamy's problem which kind of makes it Murphy's problem. They both know that.

The older boy can see a spark of sincerity in Murphy's eyes and knows that he can count on him. If Bellamy stays Murphy will do the same. And maybe this is what makes it easy. What happened doesn't matter to them. Murphy is still the same. Or maybe he is not, but he is to Bellamy. If they survive this they can talk about everything. But they never talk. And in this moment Murphy being here is everything Bellamy needs to continue.

The boy will do everything to survive. But he won't leave Bellamy alone. He will stay and fight with them. (And Bellamy doesn't even have to ask.)

***

Bellamy is the first one of them to break the tense silence which is only disturbed by the sounds of the old elevator. "Why are you here?", he asks without looking at him. Murphy isn't sure what Bellamy wants to know. How did you get here? Why didn't you leave already when you had the chance? He doesn't exactly know how to answer that question. Things were always complicated between them.

"I'm just trying to survive", he just states which almost makes him laugh because that is nowhere close to the truth. This is not about surviving anymore. (If it was, he would be far away from here.) But the lie is easier to tell and only leaves the hint of a bitter taste on his tongue. Murphy learned over time that lies get easier the more you tell them. And telling the truth gets more difficult each time.

Maybe he's a coward. Maybe he's just not brave enough to tell the truth. He learned early in life that it is easier to say what people want to hear. It's much less painful. He started to use sarcasm like a protective shield. You can't get hurt if you don't let anyone close. You may hurt someone else from time to time but it's better this way. They'd get hurt anyway if they'd get too close to him. (Is there anyone in his life Murphy's hasn't disappointed or cheated on? He is like a black hole of despair, drawing misery like moths to the flame.)

He can see Bellamy watching him from the corner of his eye. The older boy doesn't really seem to believe his words. His eyes are full of careful attention. Murphy searches his mind for some words that will satisfy Bellamy's need for an honest answer. (He was never good at explaining himself. Because that requires honestly and he forgot how to be honest a long time ago.) "You're not the only one trying to save someone you care about", he finally manages to say and realizes that's alarmingly close to the truth.

Deep inside him there's a small voice that wants him to be honest with Bellamy. Tell him the truth. All of it. But Murphy knows this is not going to work. Why would Bellamy believe him, after everything he has done? After he hurt him and lied to him. After he tried to kill him. He's been on this path for way too long and there's no turning back now.

No, Murphy can't tell him the truth, he knows that. That's why he says nothing more and merely returns Bellamy's watchful stare. The only thing that counts is the present. They need to stop A.L.I.E. or they are all going to die. And if the plan doesn't work there's no possible way for them to get out safely.

Considering this Murphy shouldn't be here. It goes against all of his instincts. He should have left the others already, turned his back to them and ran. He should have thought of himself first, like he usually did. But in this moment he would want to be nowhere else but here with Bellamy. He doesn't care about the consequences. As long as he can fight at Bellamy's side until the end. And this is the truth.

Bellamy is and always was his weakness. He is his guide. He is what Murphy wants to but never can be. Murphy was always good at getting his head out of the noose. But in the end, it will be Bellamy who pulls the rope tight around his neck. Like he already did once. He will be his downfall. Because Murphy can't leave him to save his own skin. He doesn't want to.

The elevator comes to a jerking halt and Murphy finally turns around to fully face the dark-haired boy beside him. Maybe for a last time. (He can feel all the unsaid things hanging in the air between them like fog.) He doesn't say anything, he just tries to remember every freckle and every scar on his face. Bellamy's dark eyes show the determination and courage that Murphy always lacked. But not this time.

Before he can say something he will regret later, he grabs his gun a little bit tighter and nods toward the elevator door. "Are you ready?"


End file.
